OK, so I'm a 52 year old professional male, living in a nice suburb north of NYC. Unlike many of my colleagues, I am a decent mechanic (and carpenter), having spent my youth in a family deep into motorcycle and auto racing. I do my own wrenching when I can. I own a Harley- Davidson, a Honda motorcycle, an old souped up Jeep and a Mercedes, among other vehicles.
So I needed a torque wrench. I do most of my shopping on amazon or eBay, but I figured what the heck, I'll stop in the local Sears (White Plains, NY) and pick one up. So I stand in front of the locked glass case forever, no one is around (I never shop in stores on weekends or evenings...I own my own business, and I go mid-mornings during the week, to avoid crowds)...there's a bunch of people in Sears employee shirts, diddling about. I finally manage to get someone's attention. I painfully drag him over to the glass case, and point: "I would like the 1/2 inch torque wrench, the one that's on sale, right there."
He says "ok" and runs off, I assume to get a key. Ridiculous, of course, that he doesn't carry one. But whatever. Literally ten minutes later I'm still standing there. I strike out in search of the guy.
Eventually, I see him lugging a torque wrench, wandering about, seemingly looking for me. Fair enough, here I am, let's check out and let me get out of here.
He puts it in a bag, I pay, and I head out. Now, it has taken me about 20 minutes from the time when I picked what I wanted and told the sales clerk (not counting the time I couldn't manage to get a sales clerk interested in me).
I get home, open the bag...and lo and behold, he put a 3/8 inch torque wrench in there. Setting aside for the moment why in the world anyone would buy a 3/8 inch torque wrench, I'm now a bit peaved, because I realize I have to go back to this stupid store, pay for parking, wind my way to the tool section, and exchange the thing.
Two days later, I manage to find the time to drive to Sears again, park (and pay) and go in. Now mind you, this Sears opens at 10:00 a.m. I grew up in the South, where people open stores at 7:30 a.m., so this strikes me as ridiculous to begin with. But I accept it, it's their store, they can open it when they want, and the market will be what the market will be. Anyway, I arrive at 9:45, so I am waiting for the doors to open.
Needless to say, the doors do not open at 10:00, because the lazy b*st*ards who work there can't manage to get off thei*****y ass*s to unlo****he damn doors. That aside, the doors open about ten minutes after ten. I walk in and head straight to the tool department.
Now, there's three employees behind the counter in the tool department. All women, fwiw. They are very attentive. "What can we do for you?" I explain. "Oh. We need [name] for that." Now, it's a simple exchange, but ok, if you need [name] for that, fine, where is [name]?"
They page [name]. Twice. Three times. By now it's 20 minutes since I got in. It's about 10:30, and I'm standing there, waiting for [name] to surface. Mind you, there aren't more than three customers on the entire floor, and at least three times that many Sears employees. But whatever. I stand therel, waiting for [name].
TIme passes. I start to get a little peaved. "Can you find out where [name] is? And btw, is [name] really the only person who can help me?"
[Name], I am told (well, Andrew was the name) "has the key to the case." Oh. So there's only one key?
Anyway, eventually Andrew is spotted. The nice woman (one of three) behind the tool, counter shouts at him. He responds that he is with a customer.
OK, well, fair enough, I suppose. Even tho I think I was the first p****n in the damn place, maybe Andrew got snagged by a customer, and now he's stuck there. OK. I'll wait.
And wait.
And wait.
Eventually, I indicate to the nice woman behind the counter, "This is getting to be a bit annoying." She heads off to actually physically accost said "Andrew," in a valiant attempt to help a customer (me) get some service.
Now, all I want to do is exchange one torque wrench for the other. When I bought it, the two were both on sale for the same price. Should be a piece of cake.
Eventually, a new character emerges. Now here's a man, in I would say his 50's, who could not possibly move any slower, if his life depended on it. I am very patient, and maybe he has health problems or something, I don't know. I won't judge him. Let him move at his own pace.
So he looks and says "Well the key to the case should be hanging...here." No. Not there. So he heads off to "borrow" "Andrew's" key. I see the two connect. There seems to be some resistance from "Andrew", whose customer seems to have disappeared, but who (despite having nothing apparent to do) doesn't seem interested in helping.
...SIgh.
Now it takes me literally five minutes to get Mr Other Clerk to understand: I asked for that torque wrench, the man accidentally gave me this one, I want to exchange it. He must have spent five minutes easy, just trying to read the part numbers and figure out where the old one was to go when going back in the case. Eventually, he just put it down on the floor of the case and left it. And (with much help, as in, "no, that one," and "no, no, that one"), manages to get the correct one over to the counter.
Rings it up...at the full regular price. So I gently interject, "No, like I said, this one was on sale when I was here, and he gave me the wrong one. I should get it at the sale price."
Ohhhhh, nooooo. Complexity. "I'll have to call [mumble mumble]."
Me: "You know what, never mind the exchange, just please refund the money I paid for it."
Ohhhh, nooooo. Sorry, I need to get ... lo and behold... Andrew.
Now, suddenly, Andrew is all ears. "Oh, he wants a refund. I'll have to go upstairs and get..."
Me: "What? Look, I really don't mean this personally, but I don't have a lot of time. I just want my money back."
Andrew: "Calm down. I'm talking to HIM [point out Other Guy]."
Me, now a bit angry, "Well, I was talking to you. I want my money back, period."
So now he says to me, "There's not enough money in the register to give you your money back." (Now, there's two register's in the same space...plus several more on the floor.)
Resigned to this continuing hell, I simply say, "OK."
Then, in a moment of unprecedented kindness, Andrew suddenly realizes that there is enough money in the register to refund my purchase after all. And in the flash of an eye, he does so.
Now, I've been in there at least an hour and a half by now.
So, not willing to let it get to me, I simply say, "Thank you" to Andrew, and calmly walk off with my refund. A woman who had been standing patiently waiting and watching all this, says to Andrew, "He said thank you." As if to say, "Aren't you going to say something polite, like 'you're welcome'?" I glance back and smile at my fellow customer, who looks at me and says, "I'm trying to tell him..."
Now count the aggravation components of this.
And consider: I could log on to any of a dozens of websites, and using my Paypal account, with a couple of easy clicks, sitting in the comfort of my home, without paying for parking (twice), and without dealing with a bunch of pathetic idiots, I could end up with the tool I need, in a day or two, for less money, with absolute certainty that if I'm not happy with the purchase I will be sent a return authorization and never hav**** leave my house to exchange the damn thing. Which would have been right in the first place.
And ask yourself, "Wny would this man go to a Sears brick and mortar store, if these are the tradeoffs?"
As a final note, I will observe that the Sears website absolutely sucks.
I hope it's a chapter 7. That's what you idiots deserve.
J. Mark Lane (who still doesn't have is torque wrench)
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